Dating Violence

Dating Violence is when one person purposely causes physical or psychological harm to another person they are dating, including sexual assault, physical abuse, and psychological/emotional abuse. Dating Violence is a serious crime that occurs in both casual and serious relationships, and in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Teenagers often experience Dating Violence in dating relationships. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. In Dating Violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse. Dating Violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Most victims are young women, who are also at greater risk for serious injury. Young women need a dating safety plan.

Teen Dating Violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:

• Are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• Are pressured by peers to act violently.
• Want independence from parents.
• Have "romantic" views of love.

Teen Dating Violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe, Dating Violence:

• They have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
• "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
• They "possess" their partner.
• They should demand intimacy.
• They may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe, Dating Violence:

• They are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
• Their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
• Abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
• There is no one to ask for help.

Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect. Dating Violence is more than just arguing or fighting. Dating Violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one partner uses to get power over the other, including:

• Any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence to get control;
• Emotional or mental abuse, such as playing mind games, making you feel crazy, or constantly putting you down or criticizing you;
• Sexual abuse, including making you do anything you don’t want to, refusing to have safer sex, or making you feel bad about yourself sexually.

Teens who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things that adults who abuse their partners do. Teen Dating Violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence.

Teens are seriously at risk for Dating Violence. Research shows that physical or sexual abuse is a part of 1 in 3 high school relationships. In 95% of abusive relationships, men abuse women. However, young women can be violent, and young men can also be victims. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans teens are just as at risk for abuse in their relationships as anyone else.

Abusive relationships have good times and bad times. Part of what makes Dating Violence so confusing and painful is that there is love mixed with the abuse. This can make it hard to tell if you are really being abused.